I had an enlightening conversation about how the Kiai was embarrassing last week. Karate has been an interesting ride because I never expected this level of introspection. Sure, I started out wanting to be a stronger and better person, but I never quite realized how hard it would be. Looking at myself in the mirror, and seeing the patterns that made me who I am. It’s not easy.
Kiai was embarrassing. That’s what I came away with the first few times I tried to yell.
(For those who don’t know what a “kiai” is, have a look at this video… How to Kiai. Here is an interesting one on its history – Kiai History )
But why?
Because, I’m used to being quiet, agreeable and helpful to strangers. It’s my comfort zone. It keeps people happy and me from having to face conflict of any kind. It keeps me safe, or so I thought. Truth is, mean people exist even when I don’t try to provoke them.
Being quiet and pacifying (for me) was (is) a coping mechanism. A pattern born from exposure to some negative emotional stimuli. A sort of cocoon for me to hide in. With Kiai you cannot hide. It’s the opposite of hiding. It’s roaring and announcing your presence to your enemy or the audience. It’s the antithesis of what I’ve done for so long.
That is why Kiai was (and still kind of is) embarrassing for me.
I thought I was supposed to do Karate. Not dig into my subconscious and find old trinkets I need to get rid of. But then, that is Karate right? One of Gichin Funakoshi’s 20 precepts states, “First know yourself, then Know others,”
So yes, introspection is part of the deal. Who knew a simple Kiai could trigger it?
Just a few thoughts…
By Nathali Carrera
Other thoughts by Nathali: Nathali Carrera Blogs