We hear so often a parent say that they have an anxious child. One who isn’t confident and tends to be a loner. Karate is often a means to help with anxiety and confidence, but there are some things to consider before any training can really help your child.
Parents help too much?
Very often anxious children come from an over-helping parent. Now, before you get mad at me for saying that, hear me out. Being a parent myself, I understand taking over a task from a child who is taking too long to do something or not getting it right over and over. Watching them struggle or complain about yet another thing to do often had me doing things just to not have to deal with their antics. It was more exhausting to fight with them over it than to just do it myself. What I didn’t realize was: I was teaching my child to act out to get out of hard things or things they just didn’t want to do. Which with most every child it is anything that isn’t fun or their idea.
When does the anxiety and low self-confidence come in you ask? Well, if children don’t learn to figure things out on their own, they won’t gain self-confidence, resulting in higher levels of anxiety in your child. I can’t tell you the number of times a child will completely shut down mentally when access to their parent is removed. I’m not talking about missing the parent. I am talking about relying on the parent when things get hard. We as parents jump in to save the day… when the child needs to struggle and learn to figure things out.
They CAN do it
Overcoming struggles and challenges reduces anxiety and increases self-confidence in children. They learn that they can do things by theirself and become more independent. Letting kids struggle is one of the hardest things to let go of for any parent. It is the most critical piece to creating a confident and able child now and future adult later.
Lastly, give them things to do and hold them accountable to getting them done. Start small at first and build, based on the child’s age. Put your foot down!! You have given them the assignment to do and then give consequences if it is not done. If you give in and begin doing their tasks again, you will start right back over with having to fight with them to do everything. If you are consistent with your expectations and their follow through, not only will you create a more confident and less anxious child but your work load will lighten.
Their success hinges on you. Make them do what you know they should be doing and don’t give them excuses to get out of or get away with not doing it.
Thank you for listening. Just getting the conversation going.
Melissa Covington
Other Parent Tip blogs inspired by Sensei Melissa Covington’s life and Dojo experience:
You only have 18 years
Progress Requires Work
Being A Parent Isn’t Easy
