We often see many caregivers bend over backward and act like slaves to their children just to not fight with or have the child cause a scene. They give in to the child’s wishes, bribe them, take care of all their needs, clean up after them, work outside jobs so the child wants for nothing and fill in between time with what the child wants when they want it. That sounds like a lot with you doing all the work and the kid taking all the benefits. That’s not fair. If you realize that you are in those shoes, don’t worry. Just remember that progress requires work.
If the thought of this stresses you out because the uphill battle you imagine seems too great, remember that progress takes work. Eat the elephant one bite at a time. Start small. Pick one thing to start off that the child can do and have a win. A win means that they can complete the task pretty easily alone and then you can give praise when they are done. Children love receiving praise, so in the beginning, they will need lots of it. They will work for you for the simple payment of hugs, kind uplifting words (You did so good or I’m so proud of you). But NO BRIBES!! Do not put bribes in the equation at all. If you do, you will not break the cycle of having to bribe them to get anything done.
Kids Are Smart
Many parents make the mistake of thinking their child is not smart enough or able to complete tasks because they are “too young”. Worse, parents think children are not able because they cry when asked to do something. That is so far from the truth. Children learn very quickly whom they can manipulate, and it is usually mommy. Ladies, those cute faces and puppy dog tears can’t work on you if you want them to behave better. If they get away with it once, they will do it repeatedly.
Don’t argue with your children. Have a conversation.
Don’t make the habit of arguing with your child. Kids argue to speak their minds because they haven’t quite learned effective communication. It is during these moments that you teach those skills. If you yell at them all the time, they will yell in frustration to their teachers at school, kids on the playground and/or lose control in other situations. Explain calmly why they aren’t doing what they’ve asked to do and be kind with the answer the first time. If they start arguing with you, ignore them completely while remaining in the room and give no response. Usually, a scene is made to get attention (falling on the floor or yelling) but don’t pay attention to their behavior
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If additional conversation is needed, use a firm but not yelling voice and state your point again. Make sure to get to their level and give direct eye contact. If you are speaking to your child across the room, they are likely not paying attention very well or at all. Command their attention. Remember, you are the one in charge. Not the child.
Watch this Super Nanny episode to see tips in action:
Horror Trip To Supermarket With Kids | The Jeans Family Full Episode | Supernanny – YouTube
This is the second in the series of thoughts for parents by Sensei Melissa Covington. She we asked by some Dojo parents due to noticeably improved behavior of some “troublesome” kids. Here is the first one in case you missed it: Being a Parent is NOT Easy. We look forward to more!