Ahh, kids… Looking into their eyes the first time changes everything you thought you knew about love. At that moment you know that you would remove all obstacles and danger so your child could have the best and be the best. It is the obsession of fear regarding your child that causes issues with parenting. Some new parents “baby-proof” the house long before a child can even move around. Also, let’s not forget all the figuring out you do at the beginning to learn your child and their specific needs. Being a parent is not easy.
A Quick Story
I went to a baby shower for a young expectant mother and listened as she spoke with her friends on everything she was planning to do to the house to “baby proof” it. One friend commented that she went to her sister’s house and needed to go to the bathroom but couldn’t get the toilet lock off. Another friend laughed and said she couldn’t get out the back door of her house one day because she couldn’t get the baby knob to let her out the door. No one batted an eye at these issues and just laughed at each other.
I finally asked, “What will you and your child do if you go somewhere that doesn’t have all these safety features?” The level of silence was amazing. They had never thought about what would happen when you leave the house. One responded that they won’t go anywhere that isn’t baby proofed. Another said they would have to be extra careful. I said that sounds good in theory but is not practical.
What makes more sense is to teach the child very early what to do and what not to do so they understand the danger and things to be aware of. Most only think they will be able to watch their children every second they are awake…. The reality turns out to be very different in a real working household.
Are they really safe?
Some parents believe they should remove all challenges and dangers, so their children are “safe”, but are they really? Not giving them the power to think independently and find a safe solution for themselves puts them in further danger. What happens if you aren’t there? What happens when they go to school, daycare, or stay with someone for you to have a break? Even if you can secure all those places, what about when they grow up?
Let’s be honest. Those ultra-controlled children are never happy and resent a locked-down life. They tend to rebel the first moment they get. Then you hear “You can’t tell me what to do anymore, I’m grown!”. With all things, there must be balance: Freedom and discipline; safety and danger; family time and alone time; new experiences and the same everyday boring stuff; easy and hard, etc..
The reason for this series
I was asked by our parents at the dojo to write a blog series with helpful tips. They wondered why certain poor traits of their child’s behavior seemed to disappear when they get on the dojo floor. This blog series’ goal is to hopefully help by offering suggestions to parents struggling with those aspects of their children’s behavior that stresses them and/or causes frustration. I am not a child expert, nor am I a professional writer. My experience comes from over 15 years of teaching Martial Arts and being the mother of two very strong-willed, intelligent boys. I understand being a parent is not easy. 😊
These blogs will be framed to address particular issues and give video references to my hero, Super Nanny Jo Frost. I hope you will watch the videos I intend to provide as reference on each future subject. She is awesome!! The tips I’ve learned from her have really helped my interactions with many types of undesired child behavior. Remember, you can get control without having to scream at or spank your kids all the time. It is all in what YOU do. Kids are learning what to do and who is in charge. If you aren’t in charge, they will be.
I hope you stay with me on this journey to taking back control of you and your child’s life, because you both matter. Check out our Parent Tips category for quick access. There will be tips to help change what is happening and how the child responds to it. The future safety, security, and even sanity of your child depend on what you expect from them.
Thank you,
Melissa Covington
PS: Here is a link to a Supper Nanny Mix, in case you don’t know who she is and can’t wait for the blog series.