In Part One, I wrote about the some of the frustrations of mothering. (The Next Generation) Specifically discussed were the behaviors of our children. Again, these thoughts may ruffle your feathers. I ask that you read the blog before shutting down and stop reading. Getting to the end may offer some solutions to relieve the stress. Isn’t it worth it?
My thoughts ended with: We are causing our own misery. We are causing our own misery. We are causing our own misery. The challenging question was: Will you decide to be hardheaded and remain on a slow and steady path of destruction for your family and yourself OR pivot to a new path that is much better for everyone? After all, aren’t we the civilizing force for society? Wow. What a burden to bear.
For those who want something different, here are some changes I have made.
- Stop arguing with your kids. It doesn’t make them respect you more when you argue with them. It only feeds into negative attention. It will cause them to act out so you give them attention, even if that is yelling at them. This creates the negative spiral that will cause you to dislike your children. Learn to tell the difference between when your child is asking questions to better understand and when they are purposely being defiant.
- Set a schedule. Is your family always running around like chickens with their heads cut off because you are always late, can’t find anything needed to leave the house and everyone is mad before they go anywhere? If you set a schedule, you can set aside time to take care of the necessary and needed things that keep a household operating smoothly.
- Take time to teach your children new things and then set time for them to practice those activities. If you know it takes Johnny 30 minutes to tie his shoes in the morning, set aside 30 minutes for him to work on tying without the added pressure of having to leave right NOOOOOOOWWWWWW! He will not learn if he doesn’t practice and if you do it for him, he will just be more resistant to working on it at all because it is easier for you to do it.
- Make your kids do hard things. Have them learn a new skill, cook, clean, learn a new language, instrument, sport, quick recall, or something that requires them to do work regularly. We wonder why younger generations are lazy and are so thin-skinned. Well, they are the way they are because someone let them get that way. Make them do hard things so when hard things come at the adult stage (which they will come and come hard at times), they will be equipped to tackle the problem vs. dealing with a daily nervous breakdown or anxiety.
- Schedule fun time with your family. Game day, play in the park, play video games with them or their favorite board game. It helps you and them both relax and have fun without the stress of all the other parts of daily life. It also helps them to remember that you can be fun, and I promise, your kids would love to play with you.
- Make a regular date lunch, date night, and go away for your anniversaries with your spouse. When the stress of life is around and the kids are screaming and work is crazy, you tend to forget that you are not alone. It is vitally important that you spend time with your spouse so you can reconnect. My husband and I watch shows together to spend time. Your go away trips don’t have to be expensive. We go camping and it is cheap, relaxing, and good mental reset time with the person you love.
- Learn to let some things go. We as females never forget anything. We relive it over and over when we explain what happened to someone else. Something that happened weeks ago, that was resolved, will have you all fired up again because you just got the time to catch up with your girlfriend and tell her all about it and your spouse gets blindsided because you are mad and they have no idea why.
- Find self-time. Even if it is only 30 minutes of something you want to do. Read, nap, watch a show, call a friend. Don’t put yourself on the back burner all the time. An empty pot provides no nourishment. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you put in on others. You can’t give what you don’t have.
Implementing these few steps will greatly help with family problems. It won’t solve everything, but every little bit of pressure release helps everyone to function better. Remember, the more you do, the less they all do. Require the family to do more to relieve the burden. Don’t be a slave to your own mind and slave house. Even if it is baby steps, work towards what you really want: more time and freedom to love.
Thank you for continuing this journey with me. There is so much we can do, together.
Melissa Covington