We’ve all heard it time and time again – the dreaded “s” word: “should”. It’s a word that keeps us in a perpetual state of denial because it is not based in reality. The “s” word often originates from expectations we place upon ourselves, stemming from beliefs rather than facts.
In the world of martial arts, we hear the “s” word a lot. Statements like “I should be able to remember this Kata”, even though the Kata has not been practiced, or “I should do well in this competition”, despite the lack of preparation, are all too common. These “should” statements are rooted in an idealized version of ourselves – one that is not grounded in our actual experiences or efforts.
At some point, we must confront these unrealistic expectations and ask ourselves, “why should I ?” – especially if there are no facts to back up these expectations.
The Trap of Unrealistic Expectations
Using “should” statements sets us up for disappointment and self-criticism. For example, if we believe “He shouldn’t hit me, therefore he will not hit me”, we are ignoring the reality of the situation and placing ourselves in potential danger. The expectation that something “should” happen does not mean it will happen.
This mindset is not only prevalent in martial arts but in many aspects of our lives. We often think, ” I should have achieved this by now”, or “I should be better at this”, without considering the effort and time required to reach those goals.
Shifting from “Should” to “Will”
To break free from the constraints of the “s” word, we must shift our mindset from what we believe we should do to what we will do. This involves setting realistic, achievable goals and recognizing the steps needed to attain them. Instead of saying, ” I should be able to remember this Kata”, we can say, “I will practice this Kata regularly to improve my memory of it.” Instead of thinking, “I should do well in this competition”, we can commit to a preparation plan: ” I will dedicate time to train and prepare thoroughly for this competition.”
Embracing Reality and Taking Action
Acknowledging the gap between our beliefs and reality is the first step towards meaningful change. By focusing on what we can do and taking actionable steps, we can build confidence and achieve our goals. It’s about embracing a mindset of growth and continual improvement rather than being stuck in a cycle of self-criticism and unrealistic expectations.
Conclusion
The “s” word can be a powerful force that keeps us from reaching our true potential. By challenging these unrealistic expectations and focusing on actionable steps, we can break free from the constraints of “should” and move towards a more empowered and realistic approach to our goals and aspirations.
By Ryanne Kelly
This is a follow up of Ryanne’s journey to help others get past potential self-imposed stumbling blocks. (Her first quick thought: The “S” Word. ) I look forward to more exploration. Almonte