Can I, Will I, Do I Want To are the questions everyone has before and during the Decision Making Process. Before we begin a new activity, those questions ALWAYS run through our minds. Some get stuck in a negative loop of “analysis paralysis”. Others seem to just jump right in without a thought. Let’s explore these questions/thoughts a bit. Maybe the next time they come up, you to will go through them quickly and jump right in!
Can I Do It?
Some get stuck at this point and quit without even trying the new task. Can I do it? Take the time to really determine if you can or not. How about the task of two armed push up? It seems like a simple example. What if you have only one arm? Can a one arm person do a two arm push up? The obvious answer is No! A ONE arm person cannot do a TWO arm push up! That only makes sense.
Why do so many stop themselves right there without trying? Let’s change the activity to a push up. Ahhh… Can a one arm person do a push up? Now this is more plausible. It may be difficult, but it is possible. Once the coordination and strength is gained, doing one arm pushups becomes somewhat simple. Maybe not in the beginning. But a little effort sticking with it can get you there. By taking the time to evaluate the task, one can learn to break the task into smaller pieces and work to achieve each small piece a little at a time. Can you put in the effort? Yes? Will you put in the effort? Hmmm
Will I Do It?
Here is another sticking point: Will I put in the effort to learn how to do the new task? Will I put forth the effort gain the coordination and strength? Will I pay attention to the details so I can become good at the new task? That word “will” can be seen as the Will Power to do what is necessary to be good at the new task. Many know themselves well enough that hesitation or doubt sets in:
- Maybe they have failed at something else before.
- Maybe they know they have a coordination issue.
- Maybe there is difficulty with focus making learning new things difficult.
- Maybe there is worry of sweating due to the work involved and not wanting to look bad. (See Don’t Sweat It!)
- Maybe they know they have a coordination issue.
So what! Let it be difficult. Be willing to fail and try again. But, “I don’t want to look bad.” Really try to get over yourself. Don’t let the ego get so much in the way that you worry about looking bad to the point you are not able to try. Here’s a secret: No one is really paying attention to you that closely. No one really knows what you are trying to do… unless you tell them. Those same people may even be envious of you because you are trying something new. Do you really need such people in your life? (That’s a different topic :-))
Choose to try. Choose to pay attention to the details. Choose to take one step at a time until you get it. This is called kime. Kime is DECIDING what you will do. Yes, it is often used to mean focus. It really means to decide. Have kime. Decide what you will do… or what you won’t do.
Do I Want to do it?
This last question is the one that requires honesty and knowing who you are. I will use myself as an example: I don’t want to run a marathon! Nope. I simply do not want to do that. I know this about myself. I have made the decision not to do it. I don’t feel bad about myself for not having tried. I applaud those who have taken the time to do it. I simply don’t want to do it.
Liberating isn’t it? Knowing what you do and do not want to do. Some wait until they get older in life to learn who they are or what they want to do. If “young” people would take the time to learn who they are and what they want, they would have plenty of time to go step by step to achievement. So many get stuck in the negative loop or worry about looking bad, they take a long time decide what they want to do.
Once you have decided what you want to do, determine what is a reasonable amount of time to learn how to do the new task. We get some who come to Martial Arts and want to be a Black Belt in a year. This is unreasonable. Perhaps if you want to spend 18 hours a day, everyday training… perhaps if you had a teacher willing to push and correct your movements every step of the way during that 18 hours… it is possible.
Most people, without prior experience, don’t understand how unreasonable it is to try to get a Black Belt in a year. Is such a standard applied to every new task? Where did this unreasonable thinking come from? Oh, I was told “if I put my mind to it, I can do anything”. (Upcoming Blog) Or, “I am smart.” Or, “I’m in shape.” No one is questioning your intelligence or physical capability. Some skills simply require more time to learn or to complete than allowed. Find someone who is knowledgable about a topic. Have them evaluate your capabilities and compare those to the new task you want. An appropriate time line and step by step goals can be developed.
Can I, Will I or Do I want to is the place to begin a new. Take the time to go through the process. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. You will be able to learn or do just about anything…. with enough time!
