This thought crept into my head this morning. Fear: why is it so debilitating? Why does it hold us back? We let it stop us from doing so many things. Unfortunately fear comes from our basic, primal instincts which makes it very powerful and hard to ignore.
Why does fear exist? Perhaps if we can understand the original purpose (safety) we can channel it and keep it from stopping us at the wrong time. For example, the fear of trying something new. The fear of acceptance or disappointment. A big one: the fear of failure. (See the blog Why Do Women Have to Be Right?)
WHAT is fear? Where does it come from? Let’s explore to understand and limit it’s effects appropriately. Per Merriam-webster:
Fear 1 of 2 Noun
1a an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger
b (1) an instance of this emotion
(2) a state marked by this emotion
2 anxious concern
3 profound reverence and awe especially toward God
4 reason for alarm.
Fear 2 of 2 Verb
1 to be afraid of; expect with alarm
Fear’s purpose is to keep us safe. From what? Lions, tigers, and bears…. Interesting as I was thinking of this discussion, a video appeared in my youtube list. (something else to fear?) Afraid of Rejection. This gentleman takes us back to our earlier time of development as humans. To be alone or rejected meant death. We were made to be alone if we did not contribute to or were a problem for the tribe. Outsiders were always treated badly. The fear to be alone makes sense in this context. We can’t grow enough food by ourselves to feed ourselves. There is strength in numbers. Etc.
We don’t have to worry about such things, as feed ourselves. We can just run down the street to the grocery store or any fast food place for food. There is relatively little danger from being alone. And yet, we still act on these old impulses. We “other” strangers. We go along with the crowd. And at the same time, we allow people to act in ways that could bring harm to the tribe. (Poor behavior from kids. Not studying or becoming productive. Allowing bullies to get away with bullying. Avoiding becoming healthy and/or strong to help protect the tribe.) We don’t worry about real danger or feeding ourselves, so we choose behaviors that are counter to the growth of humanity. (Something is wrong in our society. But, that is not the point of this conversation)
How do we correctly use fear?
Is there a “correct” way to use fear? If fear is an awareness of danger, usually unseen, then listening to that little voice seems smart. Don’t go down that dark street by yourself…. Why does it feel like someone is staring at me? These ques have helped us stay alive. What about having fear towards not being in shape or healthy? Sure. There are many who take that a bit far. But, a small dose could be helpful. I may have to outrun danger or fight to protect my family. This motivates me to keep training everyday and to be as healthy as possible. Service to/for others.
What would happen if we ignored the impulse of fear? For example, I might look bad in front of someone if I tried that new thing… The worry here is being rejected for not being good enough for the tribe. A true concern in the past. Not so relevant today. That fear holds us back. Try the new thing. If you don’t like it, don’t keep doing it. Another example: being mistreated at work or by a “loved one”. The fear of being alone WAS a true concern in the past. Speak up for yourself. They may not like you anymore, but who cares. There are other people who would gladly befriend you.
Waking up at 3 o’ clock in the morning brings strange thoughts sometimes. This one seemed to stick with me. No, my writing style is not the best. I’m not trying to win a Pulitzer Prize or worried about being embarrassed or shunned by the tribe. I use my writing to help organize my thoughts. When I can remember them, I try to share them to get a conversation going. I am working through my fears. The big one to go: the fear of heights!!! Yikes!!
Almonte